Miss Information's Guide to Manners
Created 27 Sep 1999 • Last modified 9 Feb 2022
Some unserious etiquette advice in the whimsical style of the picture books What Do You Say, Dear? (1958) and What Do You Do, Dear? (1961), which were written by Sesyle Joslin and illustrated by Maurice Sendak.
You are James Bond and you are watching a movie. Unfortunately Oddjob, who is a very large man, jumps up in front of you to corner you. Of course, now you cannot see the movie because of this rude, large man. What do you say?
- "I surrender!"
- "Stick up your dukes, fatso."
- "Excuse me."
You are a young female newspaper reporter and you are trapped on a rock floating in lava. A lava monster is also planning to scald you to death and then eat your ashes. But at the last second, Indiana Jones swings by you on a rope and carries you off, saving your life. What do you say?
- "I could've done it myself."
- "Excuse me, but I was in the middle of a tea party with the lava monster!"
- "Thank you."
You are a fourteen-year-old high-school freshman, studying for biology class in the library, when suddenly the door swings open and in runs a man screaming at the top of his lungs "FIRE IN THE LOBBY! FIRE IN THE LOBBY!" The noise is earsplitting. What do you say?
- "By the Lord!"
- "Please be quiet in the library."