Kodi Arfer / Wisterwood

Demand Euphoria

Topic List
#001 | HeyDude | | (edited)
I don't know how many of you will be interested in this... it's mostly about parenting... but it's so amazing. She's an amazing writer and I find it really inspirational.

Let me know what you guys think if you decide to read anything.

Edit: I forgot to post the link. Kodi's graciously done it below.
#002 | Kodiologist | | (edited)
To those who didn't know: it's a blog (http://demandeuphoria.blogspot.com/).

I read a post that you mentioned on Facebook once and thought "Wow, sanity in parenting? Amazing!" Now I've glanced through a few more posts and am flabbergasted to find that I agree with the writer wholeheartedly about nearly everything. Huh. I wonder if she's a member of the National Youth Rights Association or if she thinks they're not radical enough.

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"He is a master of 'Social Net-Working,' which, I am given to understand, is the use of certain vile technologies to advertise the existence of advertising itself, a practice which seems long overdue."
#003 | LinkPrime1 |
I only read one post, and it kinda turned me off. The whole "treat you kids as guests at a party" makes sense to me, but it honestly sounds like there's no discipline, which I'm really not a fan of...

I mean, if it works, it works, but that first pic of the baby and the mess on the floor, I probably would've lost it...depending on the age of the kid of course.
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Well, there is a new accent of n00b language. It's called: Vet LUEser goes Foreign!-MegaSpy22
Those must be the pants of the gods!-Digitalpython
#004 | HeyDude |
Yeah she straight out says she doesn't discipline her kids. You'd have to read all her reasons.
#005 | LinkPrime1 |
Meh, looking at it even more, just...bleh. Looks like she's really setting her kids to be spoiled and be royally smacked in the face by society.

I'm sorry, but at some point in life a child has to learn that you just have to live with something you don't want to do, and school is usually that thing.

I didn't read into detail about it, but just...meh. Not that I don't like her ideas, just I don't think in this day and age they'll work...
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Well, there is a new accent of n00b language. It's called: Vet LUEser goes Foreign!-MegaSpy22
Those must be the pants of the gods!-Digitalpython
#006 | Kodiologist |
Well, exactly how would you expect them to fail to work? Are you afraid that by not going to school the children will never be able to learn that there are some things they dislike but can't change? Because no doubt they will encounter such things, entirely regardless of how their parents treat them, since parents aren't omnipotent, either.

There's no sense in making people suffer just to prepare them for future suffering. The future suffering is quite enough.

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"He is a master of 'Social Net-Working,' which, I am given to understand, is the use of certain vile technologies to advertise the existence of advertising itself, a practice which seems long overdue."
#007 | BUM | | (edited)
I dunno... some of her perspectives are alright, but a lot I find pretty bogus. I think her rhetoric is contradictory, especially in regards to her interpretation of statistics (she trashes the notion of permissive parents because they force their children to go to school, which is fair enough to point out a flaw she sees in the design, but then she blatantly abuses statistics to her own advantage in the issue of home-schooling, in addition to firing off useless questions that muddle the purpose of the topic).


How many people do you know who did not attend grade school or high school? - Everyone knows maybe one or two...

Think about the five most antisocial people (by your own definition) you have ever met. Did they go to school? - Again, if you're aware of several hundred or more people who went to school and one that did not, chances are you'll find the bad eggs in school. Error one. Error two, this question is designed to point the finger at schools, when I'd imagine most cases of anti-social behavior develop because of bad parenting. Anti-social behavior and awkward-social behavior are different things. Additionally, she's relying on worst-case scenarios to vindicate her less optimum decisions.

If not, what do you think would have been different if they had gone to school?
Kind of moot, since I'm thinking anti-social behavior is a problem that comes regardless of their ability to socialize.

How did your school experience benefit you socially, then and now?
I feel confident and able to deal with other people? When I was sheltered at a young age I felt very intimidated and scared of other people. How is the average person supposed to gauge the slow, gradual effects of schooling? There are no thunderous, "aha!" moments that we hinge on. If the clock ticks slowly we don't remember how we got from noon to five.

During how much of the school day is socializing allowed?
This question is useless because it can be so variable based on your school and teacher. Additionally, it has a strong implication that socializing is the same as integration into society, where socializing is understood to be something like "leisure time with other individuals." Integration happens regardless, based on class participation and other such work, but this question is loaded to make it seem not so.

Without school, how do you socialize (who with, where, why...)?
Friends I made from school/ was able to make because of my confidence I learned from school? Look, the only guy I know who was homeschooled is the only guy at work no one hangs out with. It's anecdotal, sure, just like everything I wrote in this post. And I know two anecdotes don't make a fact. But I'm not going to dig up soc papers about the thing, nor do I think there are any that can offer worthwhile insight.

Ultimately, like all things in my life, I see moderation and balance as the key, and I see this as an extreme best to be avoided. Some points are good, some bad, so I take what I can use and dump the rest.
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#008 | BUM |
Overall, I still don't think my ideas of parenting would vary that much from yours, Alex. I think...

-Babies can not be punished, because they don't understand what they've done. Punishing a two year old for spilling his juice will amount to nothing other than sadness.
-The best thing a child can have is education. Educate them on everything so that they can make their own decisions. Being told what to do will never help to build a child, unless they make some mistakes of their own.
-A child should be advised, but not ordered. Teach them about sex, the good and the bad, and let them know if you don't want them to do it at a young age. But you can't threaten to bring them to harm if they do, because then you'll destroy trust and much worse might go on behind your back, than would if you at least knew their boyfriend/girlfriend personally.
-A child needs a backbone. Build confidence (coupled with modesty) in small ways all the time. A child with self-esteem can avoid a lot of trouble.
-Tough love can be necessary. Handouts should be few and far between, once a child has the ability to know better. A friend of mine, when young, had her college paid for and a stipend sent to her by her dad, every month. As she blew her stipends frivolously on alcohol and partying, one time she could not afford the gas to go back home. She asked him for more money, and he said no. It blew her mind that he would resist her. At the time she was furious, but she says now that it was one of the most important lessons her father ever taught her. Children learn a lot, including how to leech, and make no mistake about that. A child can easily learn to leech off of the benefits of others.
-Be open with them about finances. Instead of punishing a seven year old for spilling grape juice on your carpet, begin explaining finances. Show them a simplified form of how much you make and how much you need to spend. Kids are perceptive- they get things, and a second-grade level kid should be able to understand the simple math of income and bills. If they understand that carpet cleaning is going to cost x, then they can see your net total of y is now, y-x, and they'll understand the ramifications. Children are smarter than we give them credit for, if only we explain to them things instead of punish them arbitrarily for them.
-Integrate them into good environments. Kids need to be with kids. Isolation will create a very strange product, which we've seen many times before. A confident and modest child shouldn't have to worry about being isolated in a social environment because of bullying, either.

It gets tougher with legal issues, like drinking or marijuana. Demanding your child not drink is foolish, I think. The severe punishment will just drive them behind your back, to less safe scenarios. But permitting it is also not a good choice.
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#009 | Kodiologist |
On second thought, I'm not willing to spend the time to engage in this argument with the appropriate amount of thoughtfulness and research, so I withdraw my claims.

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"He is a master of 'Social Net-Working,' which, I am given to understand, is the use of certain vile technologies to advertise the existence of advertising itself, a practice which seems long overdue."
#010 | LinkPrime1 |
Quotation of post #006 by Kodiologist

I know Kodi already withdrew his claims, and BUM more or less said in his first post what I wanted to, I figure I'd at least defend myself.

Yes, I do think by not going to school these kids will not learn that there are thing sin life that they don't like that they can't change. From what I read, these kids have it pretty easy. No bed time, minimal workload, not being punished for what they do? Look, I've dealt with kids before, and a lot of them don't take "suggestions" very seriously. Going back to the guests at a party thing, you're not gonna raise your voice to your guest if they do something they shouldn't. You're gonna be polite about it. Unless your kids actually listen, you're gonna have to raise your voice every now and then.

That's just in my personal experience. I have dealt with some really stubborn kids...

...Also I hate the name "Demand Euphoria". I mean, I like the name as a blog name, but when I open the link up, I expect to see the stories of someone who lives life to the fullest and experience everything it has to off, not a blog about an nontraditional parenting method...
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Well, there is a new accent of n00b language. It's called: Vet LUEser goes Foreign!-MegaSpy22
Those must be the pants of the gods!-Digitalpython
#011 | Jacehan |
I did like the posts you linked on FB about ways to confuse a child, as consistency and a sense of fairness is one of the most important things when dealing with young people.
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