Today I finally told my parents I was gay or bisexual or whatever. That is, I admitted that I have feelings for dudes. In the ensuing conversation I mentioned that I haven't had a crush on anybody since high school, which seems strange when I think about it. I then realized that I don't really know how often a typical person falls in love. So what's your experience? And do you tend to fall in a strictly serial fashion or sometimes for more than one person at once? I've never had more than one crush at a time.
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Well, I dunno, I think crushes are a very high school thing? I mean, by definition (according to some definitions) it is an adolescent phenomenon. I haven't had a crush on anybody since I was 17, though all my relationships were after that. (Well, I would say my last crush was my first relationship, but perhaps that is just the connection between inaction and action.) And I can't say I've fallen in love with anyone I was not actively dating at the time, so I'm not sure I have a good answer for your question.
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"To truly live, one must first be born." ~ Evan [aX]
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Wait a minute, you fall in love after you begin dating someone? But isn't love the reason one would choose to date someone in the first place? Or does one date someone hoping to eventually fall in love with them? That seems a tad risky.
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Well... yeah? You sorta don't put all your cards on the table first thing. Going in having decided you're infatuated with someone has the potential to be kind of creepy, because the affection can end up being really one-sided.
You sort of date people hoping that it's a good time, and if you have a good time you continue dating and see if you're both on the same page.
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Willis, it seems like every other time you post, I need to look up a word that's in the OED or Urban Dictionary but not both.
-Mimir
Dating is the process of getting to know someone more intimately. How you can fall in love with someone before you know them in that way?
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"To truly live, one must first be born." ~ Evan [aX]
Paper Mario Social: The Safe Haven of GameFAQs. (Board 2000083)
Well let's not banter about the word love, which clearly has no objective meaning to any of us, and that rickety bridge will be the bane of this topic.
You are *intrigued* by someone (chivalrous knights may call it "hot love", teens a "crush", adults "like" or "interest"), probably in a variety of ways, but pointing towards a sexual direction, and so the dating begins. You generally don't date someone you have a neutral stance towards in hopes something good will happen. That's called blind dating or arranged marriage.
If you still find yourself drawn to this person after the date, and they do as well, then the dates continue. In typical American culture, words like "beautiful" and "love" come with a whole lot of heat that you really don't want to introduce until much further along, after, presumably (and hopefully) both of you have felt that way for a long time but just didn't want to say it out loud because the words weigh too much.
It's strange, but it's a subtle game. Bold truths come off as sloppy at best and dangerously creepy at worst- because they're outside of the current societal norm (and our comfort zones)
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Mark's description sounds more like my preconceived ideas than Willis's or James's. I dunno. I stand by one of my chief complaints of sexuality in our society: people are too implicit, too unwilling to be blunt, and so asymmetric expectations can take a while to reveal themselves. But I guess dating people who sound likable hoping to fall in love in them is better than dating people you're attracted to hoping to get along with them, because then the most likely failure state is friendship instead of a stormy romance broken up far too late.
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I kinda feel bad for everyone cause I've found my soulmate and we've been completely in love since the first time talking. We know cause we've had dreams of each other and tons of dejavu moments that it couldn't be anything but destiny for us.
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Milt, the other white beverage!