Kodi Arfer / Wisterwood

Orcas and pandas are related.

Topic List
#001 | FoxMetaI |

Pandas live in green places. Orcas live in blue places. Black and white do nothing to camouflage them against prey and their spots are like bullseyes for predators. They don't even bleed red. Have you ever seen a picture of a bloody panda or orca? If you happen to find one, don't bother posting it because I've already searched for them and none exist so I will know it's a fabrication.

I contend that a pre-evolutionary relative of theirs was left behind after colorless aliens left Earth, which was after ~10,000 BC when human agriculture and the color green was invented. The aliens left because the green hurt their eyes, but they loved Earth and wanted to leave a vestige of their civilization behind for posterity. Since they didn't know if we would flourish into land or sea dwelling beings they left some colorless fish and squirrels that became what we see today. We now know that humans were meant to be land creatures because the Atlantis project didn't work out but the poor fish and squirrels had no choice but to stay.

Pandas don't even really hunt or have the will to live (evidenced by their unwillingness to mate in or out of captivity), meaning they probably tried to make due for a while but are sick of this place. It is selfish of us to try to keep them around for our own self-indulgence so we should let them live or die as they please.

Orcas aren't even shaped like Earth whales. Hollywood took advantage of their more aesthetically pleasing shape in the Free Willy documentaries, which were probably initially about a humpback or sperm whale. I should add that they're called KILLER whales for a reason; if someone left me on a planet to be another species' pet I'd be pretty pissed, too. There are also no other black and white animals kept in captivity, so obviously there's some underground group dedicated to the preservation of these particular alien species.

"Hey, what about zebras?" you might ask, naively. Unlike pandas and orcas, zebras have stripes. Stripes have been proven to camouflage well in tall grass and wheat fields, where tigers typically roam. And yes, tigers can be black and white, but they're also orange which was invented in the 1500s when the Netherlands were forming. Note that every other animals that can be black and white also has a colored counterpart (butterflies, wild cats, bovine, monkeys). There are debates on whether a panda is a bear or a raccoon; the fact that this argument even exists is further evidence that they aren't earth creatures, and therefore unrelated to bears nor raccoons.

I move to change the "Save the Whales" mantra to "Save all Whales but Orcas" and to grant pandas the liberty to die honorably if they so choose.
"I'm not great at farewells, so uh... that'll do, pig."
Natalie Portman was here
#002 | BUM |
I didn't really read the topic but I did zone in on the idea that failing to want to mate evidences the lack of will to live in pandas, but I think this is a dangerous assumption. Not mating may suggest a lack of willingness to mate (though that's not neccesarily an absolute truth), but it's far from suggesting more than that.

#003 | mimir227 |
I've got a will to live, dangit!

If it's neither true by definition nor falsifiable, then it isn't important.