Kodi Arfer


These pages mirror my Facebook status updates.

#597 |

It's only semiotics if it's from the Sémiotique region of France. Otherwise, it's just sparkling media criticism.

#596 |

If somebody calls you out on an arithmetic mistake, just say "Oh, I thought you meant in base seventeen." Sure that's probably still not right, but who has the time to check?

#595 |

There's a scene in The Room where Mark tells Johnny a story about a woman who was beaten so badly by her boyfriend that she was hospitalized. Johnny laughs, saying "What a story, Mark!". According to The Disaster Artist, everyone else on the set was flummoxed why Tommy Wiseau thought it was appropriate and necessary for his character to laugh, while Wiseau insisted this was "human behavior". As a psychologist, I have to admit he has a point—what is human behavior if not often bizarre and nonsensical?—although there's a limit to how much realism we want in fiction.

#594 |

Corwin: "Your words are ill-considered."

Julian: "Not so. I considered every one of them. We spend so much time lying to one another that I decided it might be amusing to say what I really felt. Just to see whether anyone noticed."

#593 |

Evidently, the People for the Euthanization of Taken Animals (PETA) has decided that all press is good press. That's my only explanation for some of their stupidest and least tasteful ad campaigns. In that spirit, I generously submit the following ad ideas for their consideration:

#592 |

"X Æ A-12" is a silly name, sure, but in hindsight, it could've been worse. At least he wasn't named something like "Grimes" or "Musk" or some other word for a pungent-smelling substance.

#591 |

"Razor burn" is a really cool name for a really mundane problem.

#590 |

How to be an infuriating reviewer of a scientific manuscript:

#589 |

"Objectively" has gone the way of "literally". Next people will say things like "These have been mathematically proven to be the best nachos in town."

#588 |

Things might've gone differently if Judas had found the afikoman at the Last Supper and Jesus had paid him thirty pieces of silver for it.

#587 |

The meanest prank I ever saw a teacher pull was in a class for junior-level math majors. The instructor nonchalantly gave us a little homework problem at the end of class: find a, b, c > 1, n > 2 with a^n + b^n = c^n. Or, of course, if there are no such numbers, prove it. I guess you could argue that all the students who didn't immediately call BS had no business majoring in math.

#586 |

so i recently was reading a lot of tumblr posts??? and now i can only type in tumblr punctuation??? and i don't know where all these question marks are coming from???

#seriouslyineedhelp #itcanbehardtoreadhashtags

> Be me
> Try to change
> Come down with bad case of the 4chins instead
> ishygddt.JointPhotographicExpertsGroup

#585 |

The tragedy of Microsoft is that it can never live up to its boldest visions, such as in 2004 when Steve Ballmer promised consumers "I'm going to fucking kill Google."

#584 |

It's a warning sign that you might be too cheap if you find yourself wishing that you had less money so that you could honestly claim that you can't afford something.

#583 |

Executioner: "Any last words?"

Me: "Yes, if you don't mind, I'd like to say a few words about… Chaos Control!"

[Nothing happens.]

Executioner: "Did you expect that to actually work?"

Me: "No. But, under the circumstances, it was worth a try."

#582 |

Ambrose Bierce is celebrated for being witty, and sure, he's witty, but he also comes off as the 19th-century equivalent of a spitefully jokey right-wing talking head. The Devil's Dictionary has a few carefully placed N-bombs, and this was Bierce's tasteful 1878 remark about Mark Twain when Twain got a cold reception from his own poorly judged joke: "I hope they won’t lynch him; it would be irregular and illegal, however roughly just and publicly beneficial."

#581 |

My latest scientific discovery is that there is a certain degree of being undercooked at which thick spaghetti feels exactly like Pull 'n' Peel Twizzlers. Use this information wisely.

#580 |

MYTH: The lowest grade in school is called "F" because "F" stands for "failure".

FACT: It's called "F" because the instructor is paying respects to your GPA.

#579 |

Werewolves have to replace all the clothes they tear through in the process of transformation, but they save a lot of money on fursuits.

#578 |

"Using future data [in the construction of the covariates for a survival model] will often generate large positive or negative bias in the coefficients, but sometimes it generates little bias at all. It is nearly impossible to predict a priori which of these will occur in any given data set. Using such a covariate is similar to jogging across a Los Angeles freeway: disaster is not guaranteed—but it is likely." —Terry Therneau (2016)

#577 |

The wages of sin is death, which makes sin an increasingly competitive option in today's job market.

#576 |

Remember, kids, going into a store without wearing a mask is sus, but getting vaccinated is poggers!

#575 |

If your D&D character's magical patron ever comes off as a bit clingy, consider that "warlock" comes from an Old English word meaning "traitor" or "oath-breaker".

#574 |

DID YOU KNOW? The surface of the earth absorbs heat energy from the sun and the atmosphere. It radiates this energy back out as infrared light, generally leading to cooler surface temperatures at sunrise than sunset. This process is called "radiational cooling" or "nocturnal emission".

#573 |

"Pete Best", more like "Pete Not-Good-Enough", am I right? (I bet he's never heard that one before.)

#572 |

Some proposed utopias, such as Ursula K. Le Guin's Anarres and B. F. Skinner's Walden Two, replace laws and formal rules with informal social norms. People's own feelings of guilt and shame serve to prevent and punish bad behavior. I would term this strand of political thought the bruh-moment philosophy of criminal justice.

#571 |

Politics aside, you have to admit that "Raphael Warnock" is a really cool name.

#570 |

American white supremacists have long warned us of a terrifying possibility that now seems all but inevitable: the possibility of white people becoming a minority in their own country. Putting aside the question of whose country the US is, I can report my experiences on the vanguard of this trend, having lived for two-and-a-half years as a white man (but not white enough for some people, oy!) in the 7%-white neighborhood of East Harlem. Here is a full accounting of the ways in which, to my knowledge, I have been mistreated in my neighborhood on account of my race:

1. This one time a few months ago, I was walking past another guy in the dark on 3rd Avenue and he angrily muttered something about me that included the word "cracker".

Okay, that's the end of the list. Let my life stand as a warning to all who believe it possible for people of different races to coexist peacefully.

#569 |

I'm writing a yiff graphic novel about a band of canine seamen, to be titled Thirty Knots.

#568 |

Edutainment games I'd like to see:

#567 |

Murphy's law implies that given a sufficiently large dataset, if you check for any imaginable problem or inconsistency with the data, you'll find it. Numbers written out in words? Yep. Numerals with more than one decimal point? Yep. Every imaginable typo and abbreviation for a single name, plus several unimaginable ones? Prepare to be awed at human ingenuity in the art of getting things wrong.

#566 |

J. K. Rowling is a hypocrite, anyway. Where does she have Harry go to drink his Polyjuice Potions and snoop around in the Chamber of Secrets? That's right: a girls' bathroom.

#565 |

Closed species be like "Wanna draw your own picture of one of these fluffy dog-chicken hybrids with magenta spots? That'll be four hundred dollars."

#564 |

In the Twilight books, vampires are referred to as "the cold ones". So if you were eviscerating a vampire with your friends, that would be "cracking open a cold one with the boys".