"I love mankind. It's people I can't stand!" —Linus van Pelt
This page mirrors my Facebook status updates.
"I love mankind. It's people I can't stand!" —Linus van Pelt
"Give me liberty, or give me death!"
"Is Pepsi okay?"
I'm perturbed when I hear people say things like "I don't 'believe' the earth is round. I know it." Belief is a necessary part of factual knowledge. Knowing the earth is round is not like knowing how to ride a bike, unless you mean to say that you steer your airplane in a way accounting for the earth's curvature but you've never actually thought about the shape of the earth.
In 1995, George Costanza said "It's not a lie if you believe it." Today we see the expression of an even more powerful idea: if you don't really believe anything, you can't believe that what you're saying is false, so you're technically never lying.
The thing about p-zombies is, it doesn't take one to know one.
Being disruptive, once the cardinal sin of mischievous children, is now the cardinal virtue of Silicon Valley.
Poor choices for your phone's notification sound effect:
- A microwave beeping
- An air-raid siren
- A small dog yipping
- Sonic the Hedgehog dropping rings
- Tina Belcher groaning
- Alex Jones groaning
- The distorted clip of John Romero's voice from the last level of Doom 2
- "It's secret, but fun!"
- "It's morphin' time!"
- "Nude Tayne."
Is the property of being a natural kind itself a natural kind?
They called me mad. I prefer the term "vexed".
Richard Stallman once replied to my email about a typo in the documentation of Emacs, and Peter Shor once answered a question I asked on the English Stack Exchange. What I'm saying is that, like many Angelenos, I frequently rub elbows with big-time celebrities. Did I mention that a few blocks from my house was the world premiere of no less than The Emoji Movie?
A specter is haunting social science—the specter of reproducibility.
I'm always a bit taken aback when people begin all their email with "Thank you for your email". Particularly, the people who write that are often people who spend a large part of their workday answering stupid questions by email (such as my own) and therefore, I suspect, are the least grateful to receive yet another message.
The Social Network is a great movie, if only for mentioning Emacs.
The cool kids make sure their Facebook status updates are exactly 85 characters long.
I lied. *This* is my favorite comic strip. http://geekz.co.uk/lovesraymond/archive/linux-doomsday
From an essay by Stephen Fry on Wodehouse:
When Hugh Laurie and I had the extreme honour and terrifying responsibility of being asked to play Bertie Wooster and Jeeves in a series of television adaptations, we were aware of one huge problem. Wodehouse's three great achievements are plot, character and language, and the greatest of these, by far, is language. If we were reasonably competent, then all of us concerned in the television version could go some way towards conveying a fair sense of the narrative of the stories and revealing, too, a good deal of the nature of their characters. The language, however, lives and breathes in its written, printed form. Let me use an example, taken at random. I flip open a book of stories and happen on Bertie and Jeeves discussing a young man called Cyril Bassington-Bassington.
"I've never heard of him. Have you ever heard of him, Jeeves?"
"I am familiar with the name Bassington-Bassington, sir. There are three branches of the Bassington-Bassington family—the Shropshire Bassington-Bassingtons, the Hampshire Bassington-Bassingtons, and the Kent Bassington-Bassingtons."
"England seems pretty well stocked up with Bassington-Bassingtons."
"Tolerably so, sir."
"No chance of a sudden shortage, I mean, what?"
The problem with reading the Bible is that the Western world has several major holidays that spoil all the biggest plot twists.
A fun April Fool's prank: give your friend an egg and tell them it's a chocolate egg. What could be funnier than Salmonella?
Many scientists regard "data" as a plural count noun instead of a mass noun, and so they say "these data are" instead of "this data is". But do they ask "How many data do you have?" and expect a reply like "seventeen data"? Do they call data analysis "datum analysis", or else say that somebody who's walking two dogs is "dogs-walking"? Even for plurale tantum, we say "scissor blade", not "scissors blade".
You'll be glad to hear that I've taken steps to shine the light of my brilliant thought leadership outside the walled garden of Facebook. http://arfer.net/microblog
"So what kind of music do you listen to?"
DID YOU KNOW? Outside the US, many words containing the letters "or" are spelled with "our" instead. Here are some examples: "colour", "armour", "tournado", "ourange", "hourrour".
"I'm Jewish in the same way the Olive Garden is an Italian restaurant." —A. J. Jacobs
No other movie about destroying evil robots will ever be as satisfying as the scene in Office Space where they smash up a printer.
Allow me to learn y'all who the best pony is. https://derpibooru.org/1690109
Levity is the whole of wit.
Reddit told me to delete Facebook, so here goes.'); DROP TABLE Posts; --
Just kidding; Facebook doesn't use a SQL database. Relational databases aren't w e b s c a l e. http://www.mongodb-is-web-scale.com
Questionable chemistry aside, this is my favorite comic strip: http://www.poorlydrawnlines.com/comic/bury-ourselves
It can be hard to get my alertness level between "comatose" and "hyperventilating".
Protip: overlay every nation's flag onto your profile picture simultaneously to always be ahead of the crowd for the next natural disaster / terrorist attack / alien invasion. #IStandWithSomebody
"I have seen at least one case where a manuscript that used psychometric modeling was rejected by a major journal because, according to the editor, it was too difficult for the journal's audience since it contained some basic matrix algebra (i.e., addition and multiplication). That a scientific journal should reject a paper for being difficult is almost surrealistic…" —Denny Borsboom (2006)
Thomas Dolby should've worn his safety goggles.
I'm starting to worry. How can I tell if my boyfriend is gay?
IMPORTANT WARNING: This Facebook status update (and any attachments) is only intended for the use of the person or entity to which it is addressed, and may contain information that is privileged and confidential. You, the recipient, are obligated to maintain it in a safe, secure and confidential manner. Unauthorized redisclosure or failure to maintain confidentiality may subject you to federal and state penalties. If you are not the recipient, please immediately notify us by reaction GIF, and hide this status from your timeline. Donut steel.
Sex therapist David Schnarch suggests that couples make eye contact during sex to increase intimacy. This practice can be intimidating. Another therapist, Bernie Zilbergeld, quipped "I tried that once and there was somebody looking right back at me!"
What if the Ghostbusters had a portal gun and used it to cross a stream with itself?
INTERVIEWER: I mean questions about the job.
Blessed are the adjuncts, for they shall inherit what's left of higher education after the last tenured guy dies. And with blessings like these, who needs curses?
Some people think that old memes never come back, but beware: Chuck Norris never dies. He waits.
Love means never having to say you're sorry. Total depravity means never having to say you won't do it again.
Protip: by never talking to other people about tough topics, such as politics, religion, morality, and sexuality, you can ensure that your stupidest opinions are never challenged.
(On the other hand, if you do want to talk about these things, look no further than Facebook comments for the highest standards of intellectual discourse.)
Current mood: waiting impatiently for DuckTales to return from hiatus.
They can't disprove your theory if it's unfalsifiable. http://arfer.net/microblog/img/roll-safe.jpg
Sign my petition for all new smartphones to include a linear actuator that pokes you in the eye if you try to take a vertical video.
Sonnet 128: Ay gurl, what them fingers do?
Sonnet 129: I immediately regret this decision!
Academic peer review is just institutionalized bullying.
If we ever want to definitively settle the question of whether God exists, we have to get to the heart of the matter. We have to determine whether Daniel Dennett or John Calvin has the longer beard.
Tonight, let David Attenborough be your guide to the urban jungle of Los Angeles, where food trucks compete fiercely for the most desirable spots and urinate on the street to mark their territory. Isn't nature fascinating?
Complex numbers sometimes appear in optics, but how can mirrors be real if our "i"s aren't real?
80 years ago, F. Scott Fitzgerald said "An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke." Modern writers prefer U+1F602 (FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY).
Facebook is way better now. http://arfer.net/microblog/img/newsfeed.png